OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
