It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize