Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
