I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
