like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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