Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
