please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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