Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
