Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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