I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
