Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
