just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm jealous of your bromance
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
