how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
