how can u be prego again
so that wasnt chicken after all
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
