I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
