That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He shit in the fireplace
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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