thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
