also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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