dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
