Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
