i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
