Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
