Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
