I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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