Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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