he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
