I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
