Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
