My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
