I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
