things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
