My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so let's talk penis.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
