be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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