drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
