yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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