He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
