I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
