im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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