do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
