if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
