i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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