dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
