halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
