But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
