It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
