I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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