How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
