After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't deserve a penis
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
