I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
