I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
