My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
