u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
