either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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