Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
