Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well you can't waste a boner
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
