rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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