Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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