dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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