Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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