ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
