After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
