If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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