i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize