You just made me feel so damn special
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
