Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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