If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
