2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
