I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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