Your face is a jimmy john
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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