We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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