I want to walk on stilts...naked
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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