i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
