Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need moral support for this bender
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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