My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
