Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
