The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
