we have pet lesbian snakes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
