Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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