I'm so fucking centered right now
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
