Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
