I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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