i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
