SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
