I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
