yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
