a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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