Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
