we're blogging at a bar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
